So this mama thing, it can be lonely.
Like super HARD, super LONELY and suffocating at times.
In my early 20’s when I was raising my first set of babes who just happened to be 17 months apart, I went through a period of desperation, depression and just crazy. I ended up seeking a counselor, and she helped me work through some things.
You have to start somewhere!
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Two things that majorly helped me get out of my funk were
- Joining a MOPS( Mothers of Preschoolers) group at our local church.
- Reading the book Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe.
GAME CHANGER! I have read this multiple times and listened to it on Audible this last time I needed a pick me up! It is especially helpful for moms in the trenches of littles!
Ok, I am not sure if you are familiar with the Meyers-Briggs scale, but I am an INFJ ( aka that special 1% of oddball out there, haha!) Introverts are not the best people to go seek out random friendships.
I mean who has time for that when you are reading a book, sipping coffee and having a perfectly good conversation in your head, chuckling at your jokes and enjoying the silence?
Despite whatever personality quirk you have, I don’t care who you are. YOU NEED FRIENDS; you need a mom tribe, you need CONNECTION. Seek out a select few stone cold weirdos just like yourself that “Get you.”
MOPS helped me start on that journey of learning how to form meaningful relationships with other women and sharing my heart and not DO IT ALL ALONE.
Fast forward a few years and two more sweet angels born 16 months apart. MOPS was not an option because now I am homeschooling elementary school kids and chasing a two and a three-year-old.
I have developed some awesome and meaningful relationships with a core group of chicks that get me! Ones that I can text my crazy, or call and get a kick in the pants when I need one.
I can say the raw, hard, ugly stuff and they don’t judge but then can counteract it with their own raw, hard, ugly stuff.
5 Ways To Build Your Mom Tribe
1.Quality not quantity:
Yeah, if you are like me, I am sensitive, and I want EVERYONE to love me! But you know what? Everyone doesn’t always LOVE me! When seeking out friendships, you do not have to be friends with “Everyone.” I would rather have four really genuine mom friends that can share in my struggles than twenty superficial ones.
2.Don’t force it:
Yep, it’s pretty simple. The best mom relationships that I have formed have always sprouted organically. You can’t make it happen. Kinda like a romantic relationship. Sometimes you just “know” that you are going to get along with this person and can share your heart. Sometimes I think I should put together a “speed dating” for moms that want to find their personal brand of mom friends.
” Dry, witty sarcasm, a lover of Ben N Jerry’s chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream, has multiple library fines, can have deep conversations about God and homeschooling while wrangling multiple children, someone who never tires of talking about curriculum choices. “
DING DING DING……… Can we be best buds for like ever?
3.You have to step out and invite people places:
Yeah, I know, it’s hard and scary! But, you are never going to get to know who you click with unless you see them out in the real world.
Unless you find a mom tribe that only wants to skype there is no way around this.
I found the best way to do this was invite people to a park playdate. The great thing about park playdates are you can escape rather quickly if things start going downhill, like the mention of “Kale” or not liking Pizza. Or Gasp……..they DON’T LOVE BOOKS!
Sorry, I don’t have time for that negativity.
But in all seriousness, invite them to the park! Invite multiple moms, its no pressure and you can watch your kids run around without too much worry of starting an indepth conversation! If you click than you can start more personal playdates at your home.
4. Plan a GNO aka Girls Night Out:
When you find your tribe of weirdos, go kid free sometimes. This is also an area that can differ for many moms. If you want a girls night out with me, it most likely won’t be somehwere crowded and noisy. There must be guacamole and virgin pena coladas. Fat chance if that criteria is not met will I be joining in. I’m seriously not kidding, ask any of my friends, that is basically the only way you will get me out. Or if its breakfast, I love breakfast.
Invite those moms out, be it a bookstore, a bar, a breakfast. Get your tribe out and about without kids and start chatting it up.
5. Pray about it:
God cares deeply about you and he created us for CONNECTION. He wants the very best for your struggling mama heart. Seek Him out and ask for him to find you friends that will support you, that you click with and share your values and dreams. He will not dissapoint you. Bring your burdens and needs to Him!
You Were Meant For Connection
I think the most important key to all of this is just putting yourself out there. Your marriage, your children, and your sanity will forever be changed when you find a core group of women to share your heart, your crazy and all the stories that make you, you.
Don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t happen right away. It has taken me nine years of friendships to feel confident enough to give advice on this subject.
Being a mom is hard work, our husbands are AMAZING, but sometimes you just need friends to say…..
“I get it!”
“You can do this!”
” I am so sorry, how can I help?”
” I would have been so mad too!”
” Go apologize; you are better than that.”
” No, you are not ruining them.”
“Um, that’s a way bad idea.”
“Leggins aren’t pants.” (ok maybe not this one.)
If you are a struggling mama t hat is in need of friendship and support, I would love to pray for you! Email me @ firstname.lastname@example.org
Do you have a core mom tribe? How did you find them? Let me know in the comments below.